I’ve been keeping a song journal for a decade now and this song in particular marks the beginning of when my songwriting became more ‘spiritual’. Back in the day, when I used to perform on stages large and small, this would be my opening invocation. It got lost in the shuffle when I withdrew from performing during my ‘hermit years’ in Spain, but it returned to me out of the blue last fall in the dead of night.
I recorded the entire a capella in a frenzied possession in my closet-turned-sound-booth and I could only rest once everything was layered together.
(Songs like that are cantankerous but they’re often the best.)
**I invite you to listen with headphones.
In two weeks, my second album, the river whispered, will be available on all streaming platforms. Ordinarily, this would be prime time in the life of a musician wherein one would tour and spread the ‘gospel’ according to the album to curry sales and notoriety. I spent the winter season humming and hawing about whether I wanted to follow that trajectory and by the time the spring equinox came around, my body and deepest spirit were telling me a resounding “no”. For many reasons.
The reasons matter. And as a parse through them, I’ve discovered that what matters more is listening. In fact, if I am going to honor not only my emotions but also my somatic wisdom, I need to not just listen to my body but obey. It doesn’t mean I’m not asking questions of my deepest self, but I’m trusting that those answers will come in time. I’ve been on this mystical creative journey long enough to know when not to push too hard. And to know that answers do come in their own time. And so, here it is: I’m not doing any shows to support the album. Maybe one day down the road. But not this year.
Interestingly, after a few months of writing reflections behind a number of songs here on Substack, I’ve dispensed myself of the album. The cycle, for me, is over, even as it finally reaches the wider world. The baby has grown and left the nest. And while I will check in from time to time, I’ve slowly eased into new and exciting projects—collaborations that make me pinch myself and conversations that have my jaw dropping to the floor half the time. In essence, I’m taking a backseat and I'm returning to the producer’s chair in support of a few beautiful, creative souls who light up my juices.
I’m also tinkering with a few songs that have been in the proverbial freezer for a couple years, such as the one in this letter. It’s my next collection, Under the Sacred Tree, and it’s teaching me to embrace the hangup I have about the length of my songs. Heads up, they’re all long.
I feel grounded in my decision not to return to performing just yet, though I still break out into existential dread and cold sweats often enough. I recognize that as the part of me that wants to “be normal like everyone else in the music world”. I recognize these thoughts as a constant teacher reminding me to return to my own inner Source rather than that in the world. And it’s easy enough (…most of the time)—being like everyone else would literally bring me to death. I’ve been down that road before and, frankly, I don’t want to die. Not that way, anyway. Being completely myself—one who honors her emotional, spiritual and physical bodies—means figuring out an alternate path and looking to kindred souls for insight, comfort and affirmation.
Hence, this song. All six and a half minutes. Lately, I’ve had it on repeat as medicine for the low thrum of anxiety humming just beneath my skin. It brings me peace. It returns me to Source. It gives me safe space. It is a reminder.
Sprinkles from the River:
🍃if you’re a user of Spotify, the river whispered is available to pre-save, which lights up your feed when the album is released on April 23
🍃the singles, Human, pt ii, Bring Me Back (To The Riverside) featuring
and This Is Me featuring Kevin Mahabir are all out in the wilds of the internet. Give a listen and, if you can, support the songs through Bandcamp—this directly feeds our work.🍃catch me on the Creation for Liberation Podcast, speaking with
about my creativity as an expression of my spiritual practice. It was such a delight to speak to a kindred spirit about my practice, and I haven’t done it so openly since the days of my own podcast.🍃 I’ll be sharing songs from Under the Sacred Tree exclusively on this newsletter over the course of the second half of this year. It’ll be behind a paywall, but no fear! Existing subscribers will have free access :)
Thank you for you support, in all the ways.
~Feroza
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