I Found What I Needed

Nature, belonging, connection

Photo by Isabel Gomez-Burke

🍃

My dear friend, Nichole, once told me that after her life-affirming trek through the Appalachian Trail, someone pointed out to her that now she knew where to go when she needed to heal. This was a powerful anecdote when I first heard it and, over time, I’ve found it to be true for myself as well.

In the past few years, I have properly, undeniably, unequivocally learned that nature is my sanctuary, my hospital and my pharmacy. My song, Tea With Mara, yet another song that was downloaded from spirit, explicitly told me as such, and the song Out of My Head taught me the dangers of what might happen if I don’t yield to this truth. Growing up in Belize City and then in Kingston, Jamaica, I wasn’t raised a nature girl. Even so, life evolved me and the pandemic drove it home: my muse speaks most clearly when I’m in nature and it informs my music.

Soaking up sun on a misty morning, taken with timer on iPhone

Something left over from my days of being in a Christian ministry is seeing my inner world visualized as nature. In those days, I visualized a dry and barren land. Neglected. Years later, around the time I wrote the first half of the songs for In(her) Peace, the barren land had disappeared and I discovered a sacred lake. This is the image that persists to this day.

I’ve learned to use my breath to go within, to this sacred lake, and it has led me to cultivating a relationship with the Spirit who walks with me. More recently, I started exploring the world surrounding this sacred lake which, I’ve discovered, is a good way to discern my underlying needs and dreams since those things don’t come to me easily.

(I invite you to listen with headphones—this song is lush)

I don’t think I would have ever consciously written a song about all this but, while working on my upcoming album with the support of the Conscious Creators program, there was something that our facilitator,

Chetna Mehta

, said that stirred something in me, and the song flowed out not long after:

“One breath and I am within,

here upon the river bed

Surrounded by the green,

I found what I needed

One breath and I am within,

here before the sacred lake

Just one breath and I am here,

So it is”

I’ve discovered that I don’t need to hit rock bottom to go into nature. In fact, it’s more healthful to go into nature regularly, in big and small ways.

Here’s a recent big way: I spent last week in Waitukubuli, now known as Dominica (self-styled “The Nature Island”), backpacking through a land that I’m sure my ancient ancestors knew well. The indigenous people of the island, the Kalinago, have a language similar to Garifuna, which is not all that surprising considering that St Vincent is only a few islands away, down the Eastern Caribbean archipelago.

I had two purposes for this visit: to spend time with my distant relatives, the Kalinago people, and; to be “in di bush”.

I got both and then some.

A great tree in Morne Trois Pitons National Park, Dominica

Given that I’ve only just completed an album that contemplates the river, I carried a deep sense of awe and gratitude as I took in the abundance of water everywhere. Dominica is an island of rivers, and I traversed a number of them while exploring. Each time, I would take a breath and greet the river, giving thanks.

On my last evening on the island, I hiked to Freshwater Lake, the largest lake on the island. It was only minutes after dusk and all the tourists had left. Mist dusted over the water, the music of the frogs, crickets and water gently lapping filled my ears, and I had to remind myself to breathe. I approached the lake in the grand silence of the moment, and gave thanks to its majesty, locking the peace of that moment into my heart. It was only after the magic of this visit that I connected it to the song.

So It Is was written from a purely spiritual point of view nearly a year ago. But in my last few days in Dominica, I encountered the lyrics quite literally. I found what I needed: connection with islanders over the human experience, being recognized and acknowledged by others as a Caribbean woman, interacting with my distant relatives and marveling at how similar our languages are, having conversations with the rivers and the lakes—and bringing the deepest gratitude for all these things to the sacred lake which I only got to see because of a missed flight (even longtime travelers make mistakes).

It was always real but now, forreal forreal, the sacred lake is real—literally, spiritually, metaphysically. As is the river, which is both within and without.

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Sprinkles from the River:

🍃my second single, Bring Me Back, a collaboration with

ᛝBritt McH

, is now out in the wilds of the internet, available wherever you get your music! You can support the song through Bandcamp as well—this directly feeds our work.

🍃in case you missed it, here’s my previous newsletter about that gem of a song:

Bring Me Back

🍃ᛝBritt wrote about the birthing of the poem, weaving in Trinidadian folklore into her creative process:

River me.

🍃the next single on the docket is another collaboration, and my collaborator will take center stage as a guest writer in the next newsletter.

See you on the next new moon~

~Feroza